12 Days of Deluscar – Day 4: My Blogging Chronicle – 7th year to 10th year
Yeah I was burned out, and life just keeps getting worse — from family, health, relationships, career, I have issues from nearly all aspects of my life and it’s fucking killing me. I could barely even enjoy watching anime and playing games during this stage of my life. I /do/ technically have time to spare, but when I do — it’s either I’m just too physically tired, or too mentally stressed to properly enjoy them.
Blogging, and especially churning out posts after posts to keep this blog alive just wasn’t fun for me anymore as well. Wrestling with my blog’s dwindling activity, my generally shitty mood, my lack of ideas and all the problems I’m having with my life — I was like “Ah, screw it.” And thus, I slowed myself down to a crawl. If my blog was already as dead as a graveyard, then now it’s on a supersonic railway-track on getting itself vanished from existence.
Of course, I tried whatever I could to keep my blog afloat. I spread my completed posts super thin and scheduled their publishing dates all across the years in advance. I tried my best to come up with new, unique posts whenever possible. I even opened up a guest post request, obviously to no avail. The only thing left for me to do was to just rely on my prescheduled posts, with the (super) rare new posts on occasion.
I don’t know. Maybe I should have put a little bit more effort, but I never monetized my blog; to me, it’s strictly a hobby, and once you get stressed with your hobby, that’s some really alarming signs that maybe you should take a break. And I did; but exactly because I kept my distance, I feel a lot better after a while. Of course the problems are still there, I’m still having a lot of issues in life, my shitty mood means I don’t feel like writing anything 9 times out of 10 and even if I’m in the mood to write, there’s still my lack of ideas to contend with.
And I just don’t give a flying fuck.
…Since I didn’t feel so compelled to write new posts again and again, I feel refreshed. During the extended periods of inactivity in between my spread-out scheduled posts, most of my “blogging” involves working on my pages, expanding/creating new lists (which actually got me to watching/playing some stuffs on my backlog which had been sitting there forever), staring at my mascots and re-reading some old posts I’m personally proud of, and just generally relishing in my past glory — the good ol’ times when my blog’s activity was sky-high.
At some point, I have to admit that my blogging days are really showing signs of coming to a close. No matter what I do, I just can’t summon up the energy and passion I once had for my blog, and instead, rely on an extremely cold and pragmatic approach to keep my blog going. Despite that, this method is effective at preserving the longevity of my blog, to the point that by the time I realize it, I was already inching closer and closer to the 10-year mark — so that became my next and possibly final goal. It’s not even an exaggeration to say that was my last motivation to even try to keep the blog semi-active.
And while it was rough, one way or the other, I managed to achieve my goal. It was an incredible milestone even for me and I feel like it’s as good a place as any to end my 10-year journey for good.
But do I want to? To be honest, even as I’m writing this, I still have no idea where will Deluscar go from here. Will I quit? Or will I continue? Well that’s something for me to worry just a little bit later, and additionally, I’m going to put a stop to the retrospection for now. At least just for this very moment, there’s still things to do — I’m still not done with my 12 Days of Deluscar after all.